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December 2009
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By globalistgirl, on December 11th, 2009

Adult parental relocation

My parents just moved back to Sweden, after having been given a month’s notice that my father was no longer needed in the US. Other than the suddenness of the move – a confused Swedish HR manager is to have said “But don’t you own a house….?” when my father called – I am surprised by how much it is affecting me.

I am an adult TCK. I haven’t lived with my parents in years, and they’ve moved here and there since I moved out and it’s been mostly fun. So why does it feel so hard now, of all times? Shouldn’t it have felt harder to pack up two suitcases and fly off to college on another continent than the one my parents were on when I was 18? Or more inconvenient to be in touch when they were in China and I was in the US?

Perhaps it ’should’ have, but it wasn’t at all. Part of it may be that I am now giving up something without anything in return. When I was going to college, a new exciting part of my life was starting ‘in exchange’. But I think a bigger part of it is that I have now had time to grow some family roots here. Not just my own roots, but shared roots – old college friends, husband, in-laws – and parents in the same area. I had gotten used to being able to reach out with a phone call at any time I am awake to anyone else of importance in my life. I simply got used to my world being geographically proximate and cycled into a phase of my life where other identities than being a third culture kid were more salient to me.

My parents’ sudden move ripped a big part of that geographically proximate world out and away. All four of us – me and my husband, my mother and father – had implicitly imagined seeing each other from time to time for dinner, or a day or so, and if we decided to have children my parents would be able to drive a few hours to be there, and there would be general family support and advice and love. Not so anymore. There would be a delayed call or an email. Again.

Another part of why I am so sad is probably where they are moving to. I don’t like Sweden, and so am not excited about their new home. We’ve all already lived there, so it’s not new and exciting. No one is excited about the particular city they’re having to move to. The sense of new opportunity, knowledge, and experiences is completely missing. This isn’t an opportunity to expand life, it’s a recession.

I think I am catching a glimpse of why locals seem to think expatriation is this mind-bogglingly difficult and taxing thing to do. When you only focus on what you are losing, it seems hard indeed.

December 11th, 2009 | Tags: | Category: Third Culture | 1302 comments

1,302 comments to Adult parental relocation

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